Zelda Meets Mario! (title suggestions welcomed)
by Dekustar the Mad Author
Summary: Okay, this is a Mario/Zelda crossover, and yes, i know, it should be in the crossover section, but oh well. Pleez read! Yoshi is british! Peach is REALLY REALLY dumb! Nabooru is a Sweet Valley High girl! Link is continually scared by Malon and Zelda comp
1. Mario's Bomb!

Howdy! It's me, Dekustar (DUH) And I decided to try a cross over. Yes, I do cross overs too. Mebbe I should have put this in the cross over section, but oh well. My loyal fans (COUGH HACK COUGH) would probably miss it. This is a Mario-Zelda cross over. As usual with my humor fics, I'm planning to make everyone and thing totally messed up and deranged. Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: Neither Zelda or Mario. I'm not Japanese.  
  
Setting: Peach's castle (for the moment) and she's having one of her famous parties which always end in her getting kidnapped by Bowser. Since she's blonde she obviously hasn't figured it out yet.  
  
Peach: Oh, Mario, isn't this party fun?  
  
Mario: It's-a lovely-a, Peach-a!  
  
Luigi: I-a hope-a that-a Bowser-a won't-a show-a up-a.  
  
Yoshi (for some reason in a British accent because apparently Yoshi is British now): You are all such bleeding idiots! Haven't you figured out that Bowser ALWAYS shows up at these blinkin' parties?  
  
Peach: Not everyone time! What about when…uh…well, with Mario here, I'm sure it won't happen again!  
  
Yoshi: Bloody 'ell…  
  
Toad comes running in  
  
Toad: Peach! Mario! Luigi! Yoshi! Bowser's here!  
  
Yoshi: What did I tell you?  
  
Peach: Well, the only reason he comes is because I send him an invitation!  
  
Yoshi: You…you sent him a bloody INVITATION!?!?!?!?  
  
Peach: Well, it wouldn't be very polite otherwise!  
  
Bowser comes in  
  
Bowser: Peach, I'm so glad you invited me to your party!  
  
Mario: Bowser-a! Now-a we-a must-a do-a battle-a!  
  
Bowser: No, really, I don't want to fight…  
  
Mario: Likely-a story-a!  
  
Luigi: Now-a we-a are-a both-a are-a here-a and-a we-a can-a both-a kick-a your-a butt-a!  
  
Bowser: But I don't want to fight!  
  
Yoshi: Bowser old chap, let's both get out of here and save our skins, what do you say?  
  
Bowser: All right!  
  
Peach: Mario! Don't get hurt fighting!  
  
Mario: Don't-a worry-a Peach-a! I-a have-a a-a new-a move-a! It-a can-a blow-a us-a all-a to-a an-a new-a planet-a if-a I-a use-a it-a!  
  
Yoshi: DON'T USE IT YOU BLOODY IDIOT!!! IT-  
  
Mario uses his "new move" and they all are blown to…somewhere….betcha can't guess where!  
  
Meanwhile, in Hyrule…  
  
Zelda, conveniently, is ALSO throwing a party. The people there (so far) are Link, Malon, Zelda (duh), Impa, Nabooru, Rauru, Ruto, Darunia, and Saria. Can you guess where this is going yet?  
  
Zelda (in a flirting-like tone): Oh, Link, this party is soooooooo fun, isn't it?  
  
Link: Actually, no. We haven't done anything yet.  
  
Malon: Zelda! You said I could I could flirt with Link this party! And act all cute and helpless if anything happened!  
  
Zelda: Well, you can, but so can I!  
  
Malon: Hey!  
  
Link: Uh……bye!  
  
Malon: Wait! Link, don't go!  
  
Impa: I have a deep feeling of evil about to come…  
  
Saria: Oh, you say that every party! Give it up already, you overgrown deku stick!  
  
Rauru: Sooooo hungry…  
  
Nabooru (in a Valley-girl voice): Like, shouldn't we like, actually like, do something?  
  
Zelda: What do you mean?  
  
Link (under his breath): She means this whole party is stupid and boring and we all want to leave.  
  
Zelda: What was that, Link?  
  
Link: Uh…just….remarking how…much…you're, uh…dress looks so….uh…pretty!  
  
Zelda: ::giggles like a school girl:: oh, this old thing? Well, thank you anyway…  
  
Malon (muttering): slut…  
  
Darunia overhears and cracks up  
  
Impa: That laugh is an evil laugh of evilness! It's an omen! We're all doomed! DOOOOOOMED I TELL YOU!!! ::starts writhing on the ground::  
  
Everyone else: O.o  
  
Zelda: O…K…..well, what should we do now?  
  
Rauru: EAT?  
  
Saria: Shut up, you tub of lard! All you've been talking about since we got here was food!  
  
Rauru: So? I haven't eaten in 23 minutes 19.763428947 seconds!  
  
Saria: O.o  
  
Darunia: It is my belief someone is flying at an increasingly down hill velocity toward this little socializing event.  
  
Everyone else: Huh?  
  
Darunia: SOMETHING'S FLYING AT TOP SPEED TOWARD US!!!!!  
  
Everyone: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Peach, Mario, Luigi, Toad, Yoshi, and Bowser fall through the roof and land in the middle of the floor.  
  
Nabooru: Like, oh my god! That is like, so like, freaky!  
  
Yoshi: Bloody moron…fancy using that blinkin' bomb…  
  
Mario: How-a was-a I-a supposed-a to-a know-a that-a would-a happen-a?  
  
Bowser: Do we still have to fight?  
  
Peach: Oh my god! Who are all you people?  
  
  
  
Weird enough for ya? Please r+r! 


	2. And i like to torture people!

Whoops, guess I haven't updated in a while ^-^'' Oh well, here's the next chappie! Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: Don't even bother asking whether or not I own Zelda, cuz I don't, and if I did, I'd be too busy dancing for joy to own it. Same with Mario, cept I wouldn't necessarily be dancing for joy. I like Zelda better. Now I'll stop babbling about absolutely nothing and get on with the story. If you're lucky. Bwa ha ha. And ha.  
  
  
  
Zelda: Who ARE all you weird people?!?  
  
Peach: I'm Peach!  
  
Link: O.O THE Peach? As in the Peach from James in the Giant Peach? Holy crap! Can I have your autograph??? PLEASE???  
  
Peach: I don't know what you're talking about, but okay!  
  
Link: Have it say "To my pal Link, the Giant Peach!"  
  
Peach: Okay! ::writes autograph::  
  
Link: COO- WAITAMINUTE!!! This says, "To Mario-I want to…" Whoa! That ain't right!  
  
Zelda: Let me see. ::reads note:: Oh my! Is that even possible?  
  
Malon: ::reads note:: Sure it is! I've done it!  
  
Yoshi: Bloody 'ell-let me see the thing! ::reads note:: Why do you think that's possible, you bloody morons? It just says- "To Mario-I want to eat 10 pounds of cake!"  
  
Peach: And I do!  
  
Darunia: I'm not entirely positive your hypothesis of eating 10 pounds of cake-like substance is theoretically feasible, Malon.  
  
Everyone else: What?  
  
Darunia: There's no way you can eat 10 pounds of cake, Malon!  
  
Malon: That sounds like a bet to me!  
  
Darunia: How much currency do you want to wager?  
  
Everyone else: Huh?  
  
Darunia: How much you wanna bet?  
  
Malon: I dunno, but I like cake!  
  
Zelda: ::thinking:: Hm, if Malon eats 10 pounds of cake, then Link wouldn't want her by a long shot! ::speaking out loud:: I just so happen to have a 10 pound cake right here!  
  
Malon: Cool! ::eats it::  
  
Peach: Aw, that was my entire life goal!  
  
Mario: It-a was-a?  
  
Luigi: That's-a pretty-a impresive-a! You-a have-a a-a life-a goal-a!  
  
Yoshi: Morons…I'm surrounded by bally morons…  
  
Bowser: Um, where are we?  
  
Yoshi: That's the first intelligent question I've heard since we got here.  
  
Link: Then you must not have heard very many.  
  
Yoshi: …true.  
  
Bowser: I still want to know where we are.  
  
Impa: You have entered the realm of DOOM!! DOOM I TELL YOU!!! YOU ARE ALL DOOOOOOOOOOMED!!! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Nabooru: Like, just ignore that weird old like, lady.  
  
Bowser: O…k….  
  
Zelda: And to answer your question, you're in-  
  
Impa: HECK!!!!!  
  
Zelda: Hyrule!  
  
Peach: Where's that?  
  
Zelda: …you know what, I do not know.  
  
Link: That's pretty pathetic. What's worse is that I don't know either.  
  
Rauru: I'm hungry.  
  
Ruto: I'm a fish!  
  
Rauru: ::gets a hungry glimmer in his eye:: Fish?  
  
Ruto: Yep!  
  
Rauru: Fish?  
  
Ruto: Yep!  
  
Rauru: FISH???  
  
Ruto: Yep!  
  
Rauru: Okay, just checking.  
  
Ruto: Okay!  
  
Zelda: I just realized we're out of food.  
  
Malon: To P&C! The freshest food around!  
  
Rauru: FOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!  
  
Saria: Since I haven't said anything in a while, I'd just like to say you are all morons.  
  
Darunia: What possesses you to speak in such a crude and harsh manner?  
  
Saria: Speak English, rocks-for-brains!  
  
Darunia: Why are you so mean to everyone?  
  
Saria: Cuz your old man smells like dirty socks!  
  
FLASHBACK  
  
***  
  
Saria, younger even though she looks exactly the same is hanging out with this old Goron dude who is apparently Darunia's dad.  
  
D.D: So, what are you going to do when you're older?  
  
Saria: I'm going to insult people because you smell like dirty socks!  
  
D.D: Good girl!  
  
***  
  
END FLASHBACK  
  
Darunia: Now my persistent question has been fulfilled.  
  
Saria: What?  
  
Darunia: Oh, I get it!  
  
Saria: Then can we go now, fleabag?  
  
Zelda: Who cares, let's go!  
  
  
  
  
  
That…was…just….plain….BAD!!!! oh well, please r+r! 


	3. We wanna pitcher, not a belly itcher! (y...

I am a woodsprite, tee hee, tee hee! .please R+R!  
  
Disclaimer: I'm going to get sued very much for stealing that line from MST3K puma man.  
  
Last time, they decided to go to P&C!!!  
  
Rauru: We're off to C after P, the wonderful grocery store of Amurica.  
  
Saria: You moron, you don't spell America like that, you spell it like this: asdlkfnsdkgb  
  
Rauru: Really?  
  
Saria: Du-uh, no!  
  
Yoshi: You're logic would make a bloody rocket scientist curl up and die.  
  
Saria: Ah, what do you know, mangy dinosaur.  
  
Yoshi: I don't have fur, how can I have mange, lice-ridden carcass?  
  
Saria: Yer gonna pay fer that, frenchie!  
  
Yoshi: Actually, I'm british.  
  
Saria: I'll take you on!  
  
Yoshi: This is bollucks, I just want to get back to my bloody island, where I'm safe from all you bally morons.  
  
Mario: I-a know-a where-a your-a island-a is-a!  
  
Yoshi: Then all I really want to do is crawl into a bally hole and die.  
  
Rauru: Can I eat you if you do?  
  
Yoshi: .  
  
Impa: When the dinosaur dies, WE ALL DIE!! WE'RE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!!!!! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!!!!!!  
  
Nabooru: Like, shut up, you like, weird old lady.  
  
Impa: You're words are of the dooming doomness that only comes from DOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!  
  
Mario: What-a is-a doom-a?  
  
Bowser: How did you manage to beat me up all those times?  
  
Saria: You're a huge-aize wimp?  
  
Bowser:.I meant aside from that.  
  
Peach: You're a big dinosaur and you should be extinct?  
  
Yoshi: Hey!  
  
Rauru: Huuuuunnnnnnggggggrrrrrryyyyyyy..  
  
Zelda: When are you NOT hungry?  
  
Malon: Oh, Zelda, I have pictures of you. I wouldn't talk.  
  
Zelda: AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! What could you possibly know!?!?!?!  
  
Malon: ::evil grin:: All I'm saying is you shouldn't be so hypocritical of Rauru!  
  
Link: What?  
  
Zelda: You wouldn't-  
  
Malon: I bet Link wouldn't like you so much if he KNEW!!!  
  
Zelda: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Yoshi: This isn't another bloody poundcake story, is it?  
  
Nabooru: Like, stop being so gothic Malon, just like, tell us!  
  
Mario: Yeah-a, tell-a us-a!  
  
Luigi: We-a deserve-a to-a know-a!  
  
Impa: If she tells us, we're DOOMED!! DOOMED TO KNOW WHAT THE DOOMING DOOM NESS OF DOOM LOOKS LIKE! DO NOT SEND US TO OUR DOOMED DOOMY FATES!!  
  
Yoshi: ::picks up Impa and throws her in a conveniently nearby lake::  
  
Everyone: YAY!!!  
  
Bowser: I wanna know what Malon was hinting evilly at!  
  
Everyone else but Zelda and Malon: Yeah!  
  
Malon: Well, gotta satisfy the public! ::pulls out a picture dramatically:: Before I show this to all of you, I must warn you of 10,000 reasons why you might be shocked and appalled. One- ::Yoshi grabs the picture::  
  
Yoshi: Stop being so bally dramatic. ::Looks at picture:: Dear god! Is that YOU, Zelda?!?!  
  
Zelda: ::tries to grab picture, but Nabooru gets it first::  
  
Nabooru: Like, ew! That is like, so nasty! You and Rauru both?!? EW!!!  
  
Link: Uh oh.  
  
Nabooru: ::shows picture to everyone::  
  
Saria: HA HA HA HA HA!!! ZELDA, YOU USED TO BE JUST AS FAT AS RAURU!!!  
  
Zelda: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
Peach: Oh my god! That is so nasty!!  
  
Bowser: She doesn't look that different.::Zelda beats on him::  
  
Peach: You shouldn't be so mean to Bowser!  
  
Zelda: What? I thought you hated him!  
  
Peach: At least I didn't used to be a fat cow! I can't see WHY Link would even CONSIDER liking you..  
  
Zelda: You shut up about Link! You got your ugly little plumber, why should you care about anything else?  
  
Peach: GASP!! You take that back!!!  
  
Zelda: Peach and Mario sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.  
  
Peach: ::slaps Zelda::  
  
Zelda: ::slaps Peach::  
  
Peach: ::slaps Zelda::  
  
Zelda: ::slaps Peach::  
  
Peach: ::slaps Zelda::  
  
Zelda: ::slaps Peach::  
  
Peach: ::slaps Zelda::  
  
Zelda: ::slaps Peach::  
  
Peach: ::slaps Zelda::  
  
Link: Um, should we stop them anytime soon?  
  
Malon: Nah, this is too entertaining.  
  
Yoshi: It's kind of impressive, they aren't even bruising.  
  
Nabooru: Like, are they still slapping each other?  
  
Everyone else: Yep.  
  
Saria: I think they should just kill each other off.  
  
Rauru: When are we going to P&C?  
  
Mario: Let's-a just-a leave-a them-a here-a!  
  
Everyone else: Okay! ::everyone leaves for P&C, leaving Zelda and Peach still slapping each other::  
  
Dude, it's been a really long time since I've written anything, so please excuse me if this sucks.or is just way to weird and random. Oh well, please r+r! 


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